Sometimes I resent being the one with the voice. If I’m with people who know I can sing, they always insist that I be the one to lead Happy Birthday. Like they’re not all going to drift into five different keys after I start. Or someone who finds out I’m a singer and then asks me to sing them something, on the spot. Like I should have a song and dance up my sleeve for just such an occasion. It makes me want to break into something like, “THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN’T END….”

When my husband and I decided to take a mission trip as newlyweds I was so excited I could barely stand it. I signed up for the Vacation Bible School portion of the trip while my husband chose the construction team (working with kids is not his forte and digging in the mud is not mine). We had other mission opportunities together later in the week, but for the first part we went our separate ways.

After spending three years with the African Children’s Choir, I envisioned teaching an amazing Bible lesson and converting hispanic children. Okay, maybe not. But I did think I’d be able to teach. I did spend three years coming up with kid-appropriate devotion lessons for African kiddos.

Did I teach? Nope.

I was assigned to singing. I got to be the opening act. In Spanish. I learned several obnoxious children’s worship songs in Spanish. And then stood up in front of about fifty Nicaraguan children and taught it to them. Yippee.

All together now! “Yo tengo gozo, gozo, gozo, gozo, en mi corazon….”

I can still hear it in my sleep sometimes.

It wasn’t all bad, and when I just rolled my eyes and threw everything I had into it, I actually had a little fun. The kids really enjoyed it too.

I love singing, but sometimes I like to serve my God in other ways. I actually enjoy some time out of the spotlight. Serving in the shadows often feels more worshipful than being on stage.

I enjoy being in the sound booth helping with the graphics and powerpoint. (I gained a whole new respect for sound and graphic peeps after that.) I also enjoy helping in the kitchen. Cooking for a couple hundred people is a great way to worship, fellowship, and serve. I spent a few hours one afternoon elbow deep in subs, scrubbing a few hundred potatoes. I loved it.

Is there a place you like to serve or worship in the shadows?

This past weekend, I celebrated my thirty-third birthday. I am starting to get old. I can tell because I’m having to stop and think exactly how old I am. That never happened in my twenties. I always knew. Now, I have to stop and subtract in my head.

My current day job is an activities assistant in a retirement community. (For those wondering what I do, I play games and help plan parties. That pretty much sums it up.) A retirement facility is a great place for anyone who is starting to feel old but is still under 65. In my residents’ eyes, I am a baby. They tell me that every chance they get.

The day after my birthday, one of my residents stopped me to wish me a happy birthday. She grabbed my hands and held them tight as her beautiful face wrinkled up even more into a big smile. She asked me, “May I say a birthday prayer for you?’

I smiled and told her I’d love that. Without skipping a beat, she started right into the prayer.

“Watch over thy child, O Lord, as her days increase; bless and guide her wherever she may be. Strengthen her when she stands; comfort her when discouraged or sorrowful; raise her up if she fall; and in her heart may thy peace which passeth understanding abide all the days of her life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

This sweet 89 year old is actually a twin, and her identical twin sister lives with her. They go everywhere together and are simply referred to as “The Twins.” They wear mismatched clothes (I might too when I’m 89), and always have a kind word to say to anyone they meet. Every morning, they drive themselves to church. They’ve been faithful Episcopalians for their entire life, I’m sure, and will often share one of the Episcopalian prayers with someone who needs encouragement or uplifting.

Their faith encourages me. They know and believe in their God and His promises. They trust Him, and they love life. Their faith flows effortlessly out of them.

This is what I long for in my faith. I’m tired of struggling and feeling frustrated. I want to just rest in God’s truth and let that be enough. I want what she prayed over me.

But perhaps those sweet ladies struggled too when they were thirty-three and it just took them some fifty-plus years to get to the depth that their faith has reached.

Christians get a glossy look in their eyes when they talk about heaven.

“We’re going to be worshiping God… forever!” as they let out a contented sigh.

I feign excitement. “Yay!” In my head, I’m thinking, “An eternity of mediocre worship songs? Oh joy…”

We’re going to get to heaven and worship God forever. If that involves the raising of hands and the singing of Chris Tomlin songs, I gotta be honest. It doesn’t sound so appealing.

I’m excited to get to heaven. I know it’s going to be way cooler than anything I can even fathom. I know it’s not going to be an eternal church service (thank God) and that my mind will not be able to comprehend what it will be like. But sometimes it seems we’ve turned into one big worship party.

I love singing and hope to do a lot of it in heaven. But an eternity of it? An eternity of what my mind is currently comprehending worship to be? Hmmm, not so much. I think there will be plenty of other things going on in heaven. How about jamming with Jesus? I’d love to hear Him play guitar. That could be fun.

I remember hearing a quote on the radio one day. My friend Emily reminded me that it was Keith Green. The image it created in my head stuck out to me. Here’s the gist of what it said:

“God spent seven days creating and preparing earth. He has spent thousands and thousands of years preparing the new earth. When I look at the beauty He created in seven days, I can’t wait to see what amazing things He has waiting for us.”

That does give me tingles. Sure, there’s the argument that God is outside of space and time, but I still believe He’s taking His time making our next home something amazing.

Question: What things would you like to see in heaven? Have you ever felt unexcited about the typical heaven picture that’s been painted?

I am honored to be able to guest post on Clothe Your Neighbor As Yourself’s blog. This organization is run by a friend of mine from church. He is the type of Christian that truly inspires me. He lives his faith rather than just talking about it.

A few years ago, he felt called by God to reach out to the homeless. So, he sold all he had, bought a van, and lived on the streets. His stories of how God provided and how he was able to reach out to the homeless are just incredible. You can read his story here. His life, to me, exhibits true worship.

I’m honored to have even a small part in this organization.

I might have a serious problem.

Some days I am just looking for something I don’t like in worship. I walk into the service, just waiting for that little thing to present itself. I set my expectations (too high) and am quickly let down. So I just shut off, throw my hands up in frustration and think (all too dramatically), “Well, let down once again…”

I realized this the other week when I got hung up on a “typo” on the powerpoint.

The lyrics said “Alleluia.” The worship leader sang “Hallelujah.”

I could feel myself shutting down to worship, and then a little voice inside me screamed, “REALLY?????”

Part of this is what I call the musician’s curse, where my finely educated musical brain (riiiiight…) picks up on such trivial things. Like my number one singing pet peeve (it’s “without YOU,” not “without CHEW.” Enunciate people!!!), sometimes it’s impossible to ignore. But I’ve realized it’s one thing to notice it; it’s another thing to obsess over it.

I can just about guarantee that I am the ONLY one who picked up on that “typo” that morning. Because it was ridiculous and didn’t make a difference. Honestly, the words mean the same. I even googled it.

So what is my issue? Why do I continue to nitpick little things in worship?

I think it’s my too high expectations. I’m trying to enter each church service without judgement. This takes a LOT of effort on my part. Some days I don’t even know how to go about it.

But I suppose admitting I have a problem is the first step.

Question: Is there something silly you’ve nitpicked in worship?

Why has our culture of Christianity turned worship into merely music? Sure, we preach about living a lifestyle of worship, but do any of us really know what that looks like? I’m barely beginning to figure it out. When it comes down to church worship services, it feels like music is the narrow path that churches are herding us down.

I love music. I get why music has become the be-all end-all of worship. Music is an emotional experience. It reaches down into our hearts and tugs at our emotions. It causes us to feel things that some of us didn’t know was possible. In my experience, a song can capture an emotion that I’ve been feeling. It puts struggles into words when I just can’t possibly seem to do it. I can finally feel at peace when my feelings/struggles/etc have been so perfectly captured by another in song.

So it makes sense that music has become the picturesque way for us to worship God. Songs capture the emotions we want to express to God. They’re an avenue to get at that worship.

What about people that don’t have that emotional connection with music? I remember reading a comment on the blog Stuff Christians Like one day. I wish I could remember the exact blog so I could give credit to the commenter and quote him exactly. It was a really thoughtful comment. Here was the gist of it:

I don’t connect with the music part of worship in church. I’m just not a musical person and it’s not something I relate to. I just sit and wait for the music to be over before I can engage in the service.

This is sad to me. How many people are being left out because music is not the best way for them to worship? What other ways is the church reaching out to them?

Years ago, my church started a new service. It thought outside the box and didn’t always use the typical worship formula. It was a sensory service and tried to engage all of the senses in worship, not just the ears. Graphics were used throughout the sermons to engage the eyes (this helps me tremendously to stay focused). “Giveaways” were used some weeks to engage touch. One week we talked about Jesus being the Living Water, and everyone walked out with a water bottle. Another week we talked about being washed clean and everyone was given a bar of soap. We even engaged the sense of smell. While talking about Jesus being the Bread of Life, bread machines were strategically placed, causing tummies to rumble all throughout the service.

One week, I unfortunately missed, but heard about from others. A local artist was invited to come. While music softly played in the background, she painted a picture. Everyone watched as the visual interpretation of her worship came to life.

Worship is more than music, so how can we incorporate that? Any ideas?