The tagline on my blog is “Thoughts from a Recovering Worship Leader.” I haven’t talked much about that and what I mean by it. A large part is feeling burnt out by this whole worship thing and needing to take a step back. When I led, I often felt empty and dry, like I had nothing to offer to people. It was like my well inside me was sucked dry. I served until I had nothing left.
The last service that I led worship for was a recovery service called Celebrate Recovery. I walked into that service out of curiosity, not addiction. I was a relatively well adjusted church girl with no issues (how naïve I was). I had heard great things about the service and what they were doing, so I began attending. Long story short, I took part in the small groups and a step study and realized I wasn’t as well adjusted as I thought. I uncovered feelings of fear and insecurity. I found safety in that service, along with real, genuine people. I highly recommend Celebrate Recovery to anyone, not just alcoholics and drug addicts.
I was approached about leading worship for that service, and after some prayer, accepted. I was hesitant, because I was starting to feel the struggle of worship that plagued me and still plagues me. I felt like a fake up there, because I didn’t have it all together. But then I realized that nobody in that room had it all together. I was in good company.
I led worship there for a little over a year, and greatly enjoyed it. I was able to process through a lot of my struggle, and found that it’s hard to be judgmental of worship leaders when you are one. Eventually, the stress of life got to me and I stepped down from the position.
I’ve grown comfortable with the phrase “recovering.” It used to imply alcoholic or drug abuser. Now I know it can apply to anyone struggling with life change.
So here I sit, a recovering worship leader, trying to make sense of all the junk I’m unpiling out of my head. Half of it I don’t know what to do with, but I’m learning as I go. It’s a daily process.
As always, thanks for following me on my journey.