The meaning behind the tag line

The tagline on my blog is “Thoughts from a Recovering Worship Leader.” I haven’t talked much about that and what I mean by it. A large part is feeling burnt out by this whole worship thing and needing to take a step back. When I led, I often felt empty and dry, like I had nothing to offer to people. It was like my well inside me was sucked dry. I served until I had nothing left.

The last service that I led worship for was a recovery service called Celebrate Recovery. I walked into that service out of curiosity, not addiction. I was a relatively well adjusted church girl with no issues (how naïve I was). I had heard great things about the service and what they were doing, so I began attending. Long story short, I took part in the small groups and a step study and realized I wasn’t as well adjusted as I thought. I uncovered feelings of fear and insecurity. I found safety in that service, along with real, genuine people. I highly recommend Celebrate Recovery to anyone, not just alcoholics and drug addicts.

I was approached about leading worship for that service, and after some prayer, accepted. I was hesitant, because I was starting to feel the struggle of worship that plagued me and still plagues me. I felt like a fake up there, because I didn’t have it all together. But then I realized that nobody in that room had it all together. I was in good company.

I led worship there for a little over a year, and greatly enjoyed it. I was able to process through a lot of my struggle, and found that it’s hard to be judgmental of worship leaders when you are one. Eventually, the stress of life got to me and I stepped down from the position.

I’ve grown comfortable with the phrase “recovering.” It used to imply alcoholic or drug abuser. Now I know it can apply to anyone struggling with life change.

So here I sit, a recovering worship leader, trying to make sense of all the junk I’m unpiling out of my head. Half of it I don’t know what to do with, but I’m learning as I go. It’s a daily process.

As always, thanks for following me on my journey.

9 Replies to “The meaning behind the tag line”

  1. David obviously had issues. I wonder if he ever felt like a fake when playing worship music. I suppose Psalms could be a bit like a blog. Thoughts From a Messed Up Harpist, Warrior, and King.

  2. First time caller… Love the name 🙂

    It takes a lot to be this vulnerable. Especially in the midst of being burned out and wondering if that’s “okay.” I’ve always believed those who don’t know God are drawn to those who know Him exactly where they are…even if it’s pulled over in doubt and frustration.

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