I was thinking about worship the other day, like I tend to do a lot. (When one writes a blog on a particular subject, one’s thoughts tend to drift toward that subject often.)
I asked myself, “What does worship mean for me today?”
One word immediately came to mind.
I sat and puzzled over that word, wondering why it had jumped immediately into my brain.
I need to trust more. I’m not a truster. I don’t like not being in control, not knowing what’s ahead. Part of worship is trusting God. Stepping out on faith and knowing that He’s got your back.
I have this weird health issue that’s been plaguing me for a while. My left ear constantly feels like there is fluid stuck inside. I’ve had countless tests, antibiotics, and doctor visits, and still have no answer. Sometimes I get bad headaches and sinus congestion. It can suck all energy from me and leave me crashing on the couch with trashy TV.
When I’m not feeling great, I get really inwardly focused. I struggle with oh-woe-is-me-itis. The ratio of time I’ve spent praying about this health issue and the time I’ve spent complaining about it is probably 1,006 to 1.
I’ve begun to wonder about it. Did God bring this to teach me something? Do I need to be trusting Him more?
Not that God is a heartless God who always brings suffering to teach us a lesson, but sometimes He does allow unpleasant things to happen to make us better people.
And not that I think I need to abandon all medical help, but maybe with more trust and less self-pity, it won’t consume my life so much.
Trust is a hard thing, but what a way to worship. Telling God, “I love you because you are in control. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not controlling where this is going. It’s all You.”
God, help me to trust.