Thoughts on our modern era
I’m proud to announce that I have an original song recorded. My sweet husband has been working so hard to learn the recording software we have now, and to mix the music we’ve been working on. My good friend, Glenn, was wonderful to lend his amazing percussion skills as well.
Click here to hear my original song, as well as a Coldplay cover we’re playing around with.
Happy Monday!
If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you’ve learned two things:
I like Derek Webb for several reasons. The simple reason is that I like his music. Beyond that, I respect him for his willingness to speak things that aren’t popular, especially in the church. He’s spoken up about politics, called out Christians who hate on homosexuals, and talked about how stupid a concept “Christian” music is. I’m usually cheering him on for his bravery, and wishing I could be so bold.
He also calls himself out. Many of his songs speak of his personal struggles, and he’s stated that he often writes songs for no one else but himself. His latest album, I Was Wrong, I’m Sorry, and I Love You, speaks of his struggle with his hard heart and cynicism. I relate to that.
This new album is a follow up to his first solo album, She Must and Shall Go Free, one of my favorite albums ever. That album focused on the relationship of Jesus and the church, and this new album dives in even deeper.
When I listened to it for the first time, I sat down with the lyrics so I could fully digest it. I forgot how deep Derek’s lyrics run, so fully digesting it didn’t happen after the first listen. I have to dig deep and really think. Layers reveal themselves the more I listen. I love albums like that.
I’m still figuring out most of the songs. Some are absolutely perplexing me. Others speak straight to my hurt, and very stubborn, heart.
I’m slowly coming to grips with my resentments against church, all while closing up my heart to the community that is the Church. I know I need that community, but it’s just so much easier to walk away and ignore the hurt.
This album is helping me release the grip on those resentments.
When I listened to Everything Will Change, I cried.
you place your vote
misplace your hope on men
who let you down
with loaded words and broken promises
it’s hard to trust in anyone
it’s easier to just fold up your arms
I cried because I’ve been in this place for far too long. Because I’m tired of being here.
But I know I’m not alone, and can move forward with hope. I’m thankful for albums like this, that speak deep truth with brutal honesty, passion, and love. I’ll continue to listen and challenge my brain and my heart.
I’m glad I can still find music that touches my soul. Music that convicts and comforts, confounds and clarifies. And although I have a long way to go in completely letting go of my resentments, I still hold onto the power of the cross.
and, though my heart is dark i am still compelled
to where your body broke,
to where your blood was spilled
– A Place at Your Table
You can pre-order I Was Wrong, I’m Sorry, and I Love You now. The album comes out in September, and each week leading up to the release, Derek will be releasing an acoustic video of a song off the album.
I am not a fan of American Idol.
One day while watching a worship service at home, I noticed something. A female vocalist began a song. As I listened, I noticed how hard she was pushing. She sang from her chest and as she crescendoed through pitches, she began to shout. And drift off pitch. Her pitch was flat for the rest of the song.
It was hard to listen after that.
As a vocalist, I understand the pressure to “sound” a certain way. We hear singers on the radio belting from their chest voice. As a classically trained vocalist, I struggled for years because my voice didn’t sound like those “cool” singers. And sometimes, that sound is cool. Done well, it can be extremely powerful.
But sometimes, it just doesn’t need to be done. In this particular song, I believe a softer volume and more focused tone would have been perfect. Once the shouting began, I wanted to mute the T.V. When this type of singing occurs in worship, it makes me think of American Idol. And I really hate American Idol.
Singers, let’s stop trying to sound like someone else. Stop pushing so hard. Breathe properly, focus on your pitch, and offer your absolute best in worship.
Question: Am I being harsh? What are your thoughts on these types of vocals in worship?
My absolute biggest pet peeve in worship is music during communion.
Here’s why I hate music during communion. I take communion seriously. Very seriously. It is one of the most sacred times of worship. It’s the time that I remember the sacrifice Christ made for me, where I repent of my sins and where I try to devote my life and heart to Him (probably for the 1,062 time. I’m a slow learner.) I am not one of those people that race to the front of the line and pop the bread and juice in my mouth. I take time to prepare, and I take the Scripture seriously where Jesus declares that those who take it flippantly are in danger of judgment.
I need time to pray, prepare my heart, beg for forgiveness. I need to prostrate myself before God, get real with Him. If for whatever reason, I feel that my heart is not in the right place, I don’t take communion.
I’m sitting in my seat, bowing before the Lord, trying to get my heart right before Him. Music begins, and people start singing. The ADD part of me can no longer pray the words I need to pray, because I can only concentrate on the words being sung.
It’s frustrating. I feel like I’ve been robbed of my special time with God. Most times, I just give up and not take communion, because I can’t prepare my heart properly.
I’ve been to services where special music is done during communion. Some solo is done while we trudge up the aisles in the obligatory sacrament. This is the worst, in my opinion. Not only can I not engage in the singing during the most sacred time of the service, my head is filled with words that only the singer thinks are special.
Many churches, mine included, usually play some soft instrumental music during communion. I’m mostly okay with this. I know the majority have a real problem with complete silence and it makes the time seem less “awkward,” I guess. But sometimes, even with instrumental music, I’ll recognize the tune and then start humming along in my head. Once again, my head is filled with some other words instead of what I really need to pray.
I love absolute silence during communion. I know it feels weird for most, and the times of complete silence are usually when you trip over a chair making a really loud noise on your way up the aisle, causing everyone to turn around. In all seriousness though, I love having no distractions around me, and as long as everyone else in the service got the memo that this is not the time to catch up with your neighbor through loud whispers, I think it’s the most beautiful time of the service.
What are your thoughts on music during communion?
I am a singer and guitarist. Many days I don’t feel good enough to carry the title of guitarist. “Singer” feels more comfortable. I’ve spent years honing that craft and practicing. I’ve taken voice lessons from some amazing teachers. I’ve performed and sung in front of crowds. “Singer” fits me. It’s comfortable.
“Guitarist” doesn’t fit as well. I am self taught. I haven’t played in front of people as much as I have sung. I’m getting better, but it’s still a major struggle.
I think God might be more pleased with my guitar playing than my singing.
Because singing comes more naturally to me, I’ve become lazy. I used to take time and warm up. I used to practice; really practice. Now, I hum a couple scales, call it good, and sing mediocre at best. And when I sing mediocre, people are still impressed. I don’t say this to boast, but to let it sink into my brain. I’m settling for mediocre because everyone else likes it. It’s not the best I can do. It’s not the best I can offer God, yet I still settle with it.
With guitar playing, it’s different. When I get up to play in front of people, I’m usually sweating. And shaking. I have to practice so much more with guitar. It doesn’t come naturally. It’s hard. I have to think and focus, especially if I’m singing while playing. I usually flub several progressions, lose my rhythm, and still can’t seem to play a decent F chord.
But I don’t think God minds at all. In fact, I think He likes it when I play. Even though it’s often sloppy, it’s my best. It’s never showy or impressive, and I think God likes that. Like a little child who proudly plays his out of tune song to Mom and Dad, I bring my sloppy guitar playing to God, saying, “Listen to this!”
And just like Mom and Dad ignore the wrong notes and bask in the hard work of their child, I think God smiles at each and every muffled F chord I make.
When I was nearing the end of my time on tour with the African Children’s Choir, my twenty-five kids sat my fellow chaperones and me down. They told us to stay put and then scurried off, whispering things to each other and working in a frenzy. All the adults looked at each other, shrugged, and waited.
Within a few minutes, the kids had organized themselves into their choir rows and they launched into a song. The song was an original song that they had come up with, complete with three part harmony. It was a song thanking us for all that we had done for them while on tour. To say I was bursting with pride is an understatement. The music teacher in me was super impressed at their harmonies (that they worked out on their own), and the mom in me was so happy that they were thanking me for all that I had done; including those painful times of discipline. (I know all the parents out there can relate to this one.) I wasn’t the only one tearing up.
We didn’t prompt these kids to come up with this song. They did it all on their own. They decided they wanted to do something special for their aunties and uncles, and they did it. It wasn’t perfect, and as impressive as their harmonies were, I’m sure there were some mistakes. But I sure wasn’t listening for musical technicality that morning. I was simply basking in the love of the song that my kids had put together for me.
I have to think that’s how it is when we sing for God. As much as I get hung up on how worship is done, I believe that when it’s done from the depths of our heart, God is basking in the love of it. He knows that we are bringing this song to Him because we love Him.
He’s not upset because we’re singing a little flat.
He doesn’t care if we miss that guitar chord.
He doesn’t care if our performance is flawless or our voice perfect.
He doesn’t care if there are fog machines.
He simply marvels in the joy of a song brought just for Him.
If you have a similar story of a child or someone special creating something just for you, please share in the comments.
I don’t like a lot of worship music. That’s okay. Music is not the only way to worship. I worship in other ways, so if I don’t connect with a worship song, I am not a bad person.
However, I don’t want to remain judgmental during musical worship times. Instead of completely shutting down when a song comes on that I don’t like, I’m looking for better ways to connect with musical worship.
Here’s some ideas I’ve found work for me:
What are some ways you connect with worship songs that are hard to connect with?
Ever had a song pop in your head at random times and in weird places?
About a month ago I had a tube put in my left ear in an effort to help with the pressure and problems I’ve had with my Eustachian Tube. (It didn’t help, but that’s a whole other story.) I was quite nervous leading up to it, even though it was a simple outpatient procedure. I’m not a fan of needles or scalpels or surgery of any kind, no matter how simple.
They put me in the chair and dropped some crazy drops in that numbed everything. I sat there with my head cocked to the side, half hearing the jokes my husband was telling to make me feel better. A couple minutes after that, the doctor came in, grabbed his instruments and talked me through each step of what he was doing, while I tried not to think too much about what he was doing.
He suctioned the numbing drops out, then grabbed the scalpel and went to work. Knowing there was a sharp object heading for my eardrum made me panic slightly, no matter how tiny it might have been. It literally only took five minutes to do the whole thing. There was no pain, just a weird sense of pressure when he made the incision. Still, I was nervous and ready to be done.
While I was lying cockeyed in that chair, staring at the fluorescent lighting and ceiling tiles, a line from a worship song popped in my head. Just one line, over and over in my head. Thinking back on it, I can’t recall what song it was, or what the line even said. I tried to recall it 20 minutes after the procedure and couldn’t remember. But in that moment of slight panic, I silently sang that line over and over. Perhaps it was a plea to God to get me out alive (I’m a bit melodramatic some days) or maybe it was God bringing me something to calm my nerves. I don’t know why it popped in my head and stayed there while that scalpel was aimed at my eardrum, but it did.
Funny, isn’t it? I don’t really like worship songs, yet a worship song was the first thing that came to mind in a moment of stress. I could have had any song pop in my head, but that song (what was that song???) was the one that came to mind that day.
I’m thankful that it did.
I’m curious; what do you do (subconsciously or not) in a moment of stress? Prayer? A comforting line of Scripture? Or are you like me and sing some random song?
Music is passionate. It reaches to the depths of a person’s soul. More can be said through music than through mere words alone. Music speaks to people in ways that words or actions never could.
Music is powerful. It makes us relive certain moments in our lives, brings back memories that have laid dormant. It makes us play through imaginary scenes in our heads. I listen to some music and feel like I’m in a movie scene, dramatically acting out the character’s part in my head.
Music is emotional. It tugs at different emotions, depending on the sound. Major keys make us feel happy, at ease, like all is well with the world. Minor keys can make us feel sad, introspective, and moody. A diminished chord makes me feel like something is terribly, horribly wrong.
Music is a lot of things. I would hate to live in a world without music.
I believe all of this is why music is so closely related to worship. God gave us the gift of music, knowing that we could express so much through it, feel so much through it, and love so much through it.
You know what else music is? It’s dangerous.
Sometimes I wonder if we’re all just getting caught up in the emotions of the music, being manipulated to feel certain things that the music is supposed to make us feel. Is it really genuine? Or are we just getting swept up in the emotions that go along with it all?
Are we prepared to sing something so emotionally charged that, come Monday morning, in the silence and drudgery of life, we are not ready to live out?
I know that I have been guilty of getting swept away in the beauty of the music being played before me, and lost sight of what the music was supposed to be glorifying. It became all about the warm fuzzies and good feelings I got out of the song. I’m currently struggling with how to use the worship song for what it is; a tool to worship God with. The song and chords that make it up are not what my affection should be aimed toward.
Have you ever struggled with getting swept away in a song?