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Let’s all praise the… Oooo! Shiny!

I never thought I had ADD until I had a house to clean. I start in the kitchen, load the dishwasher, then take a dish towel to the laundry room and notice that I need to start a load, and then I remember I had another shirt I wanted to wash, so I walk to the bedroom to get it, then I see how much dust has accumulated on my nightstand, so I go to get a duster and notice the pile of mail I hadn’t gone through yet, then walk to the kitchen to get my letter opener and wonder why I never started the dishwasher.

I’m starting to wonder if I have worship ADD. It kinda scares me. All the “shiny” things around me distract me from what I’m really there for.

Do any of your churches have the fancy new backgrounds for the worship lyrics? With wispy clouds drifting by, or a cross stuck in tall grass that’s gently blowing in the breeze? Maybe random geometric patterns flying frantically through the air? I gotta admit, I don’t really like them. No, actually, I can’t STAND them.

Perhaps these things are adding to the worship experience for someone out there, but for me, it’s just one more shiny thing to pull me out of the worship zone. Instead of focusing on the words I’m singing, or thinking about the God who deserves all my praise, I get distracted watching colorful circles pass by the screen. I count how many times it repeats, because I’ve been distracted enough to notice that these screens are on a cycle.

I honestly would prefer a plain, black background. Because then there’s nothing to focus on but the words. All the fancy stuff added to worship lately doesn’t make it any more worshipful, in my opinion.

Question: Have you ever suffered from worship ADD?

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The hook

I’ve never been a big Blues Traveler fan, especially after the song Run Around. I used to run from the room every time that song would play. I don’t know what it was about it, but it just grated on my nerves.

Their song Hook was all right though. When I heard it recently, I realized I had no idea what it was about. I gained a whole new respect for the band after reading these clever lyrics.

It doesn't matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I'll convey
Some inner truth of  vast reflection
But I've said nothing so far
And I can keep it up as long as it takes
And it don't matter who you are
If I'm doing my job, it's your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow?
Was that the hook brings you back
I ain't telling you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin to see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I tried, well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground
I've found I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because
The hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely

The song is all about their frustration at having to write catchy songs. They weren’t able to write songs that really meant something, because all people care about is the hook; that catchy part of the song that gets stuck in your head.

How often are worship songs judged by how catchy they are or how good a hook they have? It doesn’t matter if they’re biblically sound or even that deep, as long as it’s catchy.

Songs that can be easily sung are important. The congregation needs easy to grasp melodies. I get that. But when that’s all worship songs are, I think we’re missing something.

Question: Do you ever get frustrated by the hook in worship songs?

 

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My starved imagination

Ever had one of those days where all you want to do is go home and hide under a blanket with a good strong drink? I have a lot of those days. The sad thing is that it’s usually just one incident that spoils every other good aspect of the day. I have a hard time overlooking that one bad thing.

One day I came home, fuming from the grumpiness that had overtaken me. As I pulled into the driveway, I climbed out of my car and noticed a little something on my deck chairs. A butterfly. Just chilling out and fluttering it’s wings quietly.

For a brief moment, I was able to put my annoyances from the day to the side. This calm little creature reminded me to do just as it was doing: calm down.

I believe that God places such things in my path to get my attention. Often, I’m so wrapped up in my seemingly deserved self-worth that I saunter right on past. The attention grabbing is usually done in very subtle ways; flowers in bloom, a cool breeze, warm sun rays on my face, a smile from a stranger, a comforting scent or sound.  I hate when I get to the point that I miss all of this.

In my favorite devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers states:

“In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a real coming of God to us if we will simply use our starved imagination to realize it.”

I think my imagination has been starved, because I feel as if I’m not picking up on much of this lately. Sadly, I walk right by every blossom and every withering, too self-absorbed to truly take it in and see God.

What a way to worship; noticing God in all the little things around me. I used to be good at this. A warm breeze would wash over my face and I’d close my eyes and raise my face to the heavens. Beautiful clouds in the sky made me thank God for His creativity. The sound of birds chirping brought a smile to my face.

Now I just plow right through my day, oblivious to the small signs that God places in my path everyday. I hate that. I pray that I can return to that childlike awareness and not miss those sweet, subtle signs.

Question: What was the last subtle sign God placed in your way?

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But I don’t WANNA be thankful!

I get lost inside myself WAAAAY too much. As a result, I whine and complain about all the things I’m not happy about. I get consumed by self pity and the end result is one big, ugly mess.

I have friends with teenagers. Sometimes those teenagers get whiny. When they get real whiny, the parents will tell them, “I think it’s time to write a gratitude list.”

My husband once told me that same line. I wanted to punch him. I wasn’t done with my pity party yet. I refrained from my desired action and upon further contemplation, realized he was exactly right (as usual).

When I write a gratitude list, I make a list of ten items. No less. Rather than just picking a couple things, ten makes me think hard and dig deep into all the good in my life.

Part of worship is thankfulness. Bringing to God all the wonderful things He has done for us and thanking Him for it. I want to offer my gratitude here at rebooting worship, and allow you to offer yours. On the first Monday of each month, I will post my gratitude list. Lord knows I desperately need that reminder of all the good in my life.

So here’s my first one. I am thankful for:

1. People who are genuinely interested in how I’m doing. Someone unexpected went out of their way last week to come say hi and see how I was doing. It wasn’t just a “hit and run” conversation.

2. Rain. I love rain, and we got lots of it last week. (Thanks Tropical Storm Debby.) I also love how an afternoon rain shower dramatically cools down the hot, summer days that I really don’t like.

3. Being safe and dry. As much as I love rain, I love being snuggled up in my pjs watching it from my window. I was thankful to not have to venture out in the rain too much, and to not have any problems with flooding.

4. My amazing husband. I shared recently how we just celebrated four years of marriage. I am blessed with a man who makes me laugh all the time. We have a lot of fun.

5. A church service filled with people that I am beginning to connect with. I’ve been guarded and jaded for awhile. I’m slowly coming out of my shell.

6. Lots of friends, online and in real life. I am blessed with some great people and I love the new friends I’ve connected with via blogging.

7. Coffee. It’s one of the best parts of my morning routine.

8. Bubble baths.

9. My nephews. I have a ten and six year old nephew, and last weekend I invited them to sleep over at my house. We had a blast, and a game of tag showed me how desperately out of shape I am.

10. Music. I am finding that music music still speaks to me. Lately my soul has found a lot of peace in a J.S. Bach Pandora station.

What’s on your gratitude list today?

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I don’t have an answer

Along with this blog, I want to write a book about my worship struggle. If I get it out of my mind, into some organized form, all the pieces will fall into place. My heart will feel at ease. I’ll be able to offer answers to those who are struggling.

With these thoughts, I’ve been in hyperdrive the last few weeks, trying to get this project finished. The faster I get done, the faster I can get over this difficult hurdle and get back into glorious, happy worship.

It’s been hard. This is a really tender subject. It’s hard to write about your greatest struggle. I have felt stuck.

Writing this book isn’t going to be a magic fix. It helps put some of those tricky pieces into place, but it’s not going to make it all better.

This is a continual struggle. I will never have all the answers.

I don’t write to make it all better. I write to share my struggles that they may speak to someone who is in the same place, and bring peace that they’re not alone.

I’m not going through this struggle just to get through it, but to become a better person.

To those who are hoping to find answers here, I can’t offer that.

If you’d like to struggle along with me, stick around.

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I want worship that flows

Years ago, I led worship for a new contemporary service. One of the goals of each service was to have a cohesive flow. There was an overarching theme wound through each service, and we incorporated it in fun ways. My job as the worship leader was to pick songs that fit with the theme.

Some weeks it was pretty easy. I would find tons of songs on a certain topic. Then the next week there would be a topic that was next to impossible to find songs for. Some weeks I just picked a few “filler” songs.

The weeks when it worked, it worked so well. It was beautiful how well it would come together.

I wish that worship could always flow so well.

It is very difficult to coordinate everything. Many worship leaders would love to have the songs in a cohesive flow with the theme. The problem is, they don’t usually know what that theme is.

There’s a new service that just started at my church. It’s a small, intimate, coffee-house kind of service. It’s mainly led by a team of volunteers. Many weeks, we have no idea who’s even preaching. It’s hard to plan a seamless service when you don’t even know who’s showing up that Sunday. The worship leader is left with no choice. He has to pick songs.

I ran across this article by Michael Gungor, a musician I am coming to greatly respect. He speaks of the “concept album,” an album with a cohesive flow and theme throughout. Rather than random musical snippets that have nothing to do with each other, each song is connected together.

I would love to have a cohesive service again; one where the elements are all tied together. But I know how difficult this is, and I applaud all the worship leaders that do their best, having no idea what’s coming up that week.

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We must love the church

Today I celebrate four years of marriage.

It’s been an amazing four years, filled with lots of laughter and love. I am very blessed.

I’ve always loved how God compares His relationship to us as a marriage. We are the bride of Christ. I know a lot of men shift uncomfortably with all that romantic imagery, but as an emotional woman, it connects with me.

During our wedding ceremony, some talented musician friends performed a special song: “The Church” by Derek Webb. The church is the bride of Christ, and if we love Christ, we must in turn love His bride. It’s a hard message for me to hear some days. I love Jesus, but often want nothing to do with the church. It’s full of ugly people who are underhanded, selfish, and hurtful.

Unfortunately, they come with the package. Most days I am no better than they are. Part of us loving on Jesus involves loving on His people.

If we love Him, me MUST love the church.

 

*There is an offensive word in this song. In context of the song, it makes perfect sense. Just be warned in case you’re sitting at your desk at work!*

The Church

I have come with one purpose
to capture for myself a bride
by my life she is lovely
by my death she’s justified

I have always been her husband
though many lovers she has known
so with water i will wash her
and by my word alone

So when you hear the sound of the water
you will know you’re not alone

Chorus:
‘Cause i haven’t come for only you
but for my people to pursue
you cannot care for me with no regard for her
if you love me you will love the church

I have long pursued her
as a harlot and a whore
but she will feast upon me
she will drink and thirst no more

So when you taste my flesh and my blood
you will know you’re not alone

(Chorus)

There is none that can replace her
though there are many who will try
and though some may be her bridesmaids

they can never be my bride

(Chorus)

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One word worship

I was thinking about worship the other day, like I tend to do a lot. (When one writes a blog on a particular subject, one’s thoughts tend to drift toward that subject often.)

I asked myself, “What does worship mean for me today?”

One word immediately came to mind.

Trust.

I sat and puzzled over that word, wondering why it had jumped immediately into my brain.

I need to trust more. I’m not a truster. I don’t like not being in control, not knowing what’s ahead. Part of worship is trusting God. Stepping out on faith and knowing that He’s got your back.

I have this weird health issue that’s been plaguing me for a while. My left ear constantly feels like there is fluid stuck inside. I’ve had countless tests, antibiotics, and doctor visits, and still have no answer. Sometimes I get bad headaches and sinus congestion. It can suck all energy from me and leave me crashing on the couch with trashy TV.

When I’m not feeling great, I get really inwardly focused. I struggle with oh-woe-is-me-itis. The ratio of time I’ve spent praying about this health issue and the time I’ve spent complaining about it is probably 1,006 to 1.

I’ve begun to wonder about it. Did God bring this to teach me something? Do I need to be trusting Him more?

Not that God is a heartless God who always brings suffering to teach us a lesson, but sometimes He does allow unpleasant things to happen to make us better people.

And not that I think I need to abandon all medical help, but maybe with more trust and less self-pity, it won’t consume my life so much.

Trust is a hard thing, but what a way to worship. Telling God, “I love you because you are in control. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not controlling where this is going. It’s all You.”

God, help me to trust.

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Trying to get there

Sometimes I walk away from worship and think, “Well, I just didn’t get there today.” Better luck next week.

Where am I trying to go?

As if worship is a special destination, a road trip of the mind that we have to take every time we walk through the sanctuary doors. I feel like I have to “feel” a certain way and have certain emotions to worship properly. If I don’t get to that special place, there was really no worship.

One Easter Sunday, a couple years back when this worship struggle was fresh and still really tender, my husband and I walked into our usual church service. I was less than excited about being there because I was tired of not feeling. There was this dull void when the music started and I was exhausted from trying to convince myself to “get there.”

I got through the music without crying in frustration, which was a feat at the time. I was still feeling nothing. The time for communion came. Communion is something that I don’t mess around with. The Bible talks very seriously of this holy sacrament, and I don’t take it lightly.

And when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying,“This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”  For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

I Corinthians 11:24-27

If I don’t feel that I am properly prepared, I don’t hesitate to not take communion. If there feels like there is something between me and God, some unresolved conflict, I am not putting the elements in my body. I take time before each communion to pray, confess my sins, and thank God for all He’s done for me. I strive very hard not to take it because everyone else is doing it.

For these reasons, I hesitated to take communion that Easter morning. There was that unexplained ick lingering over me, unresolved issues that were swallowing my brain. I tried hard to pray, and still came up dry.

The pastor that morning shared how taking communion was another way to worship. Then he said something earth shattering (at least to me).

“Even if you don’t feel like it, come and worship.”

Now, I don’t think that was permission to throw caution to the wind and dance up the aisle, taking communion nonchalantly. Instead, it spoke to my heart and said, “Stop trying so hard. Stop trying to get to that place. Come as you are.”

So I did. I eked out a prayer that essentially was, “I’m sorry, God. Help me.”

And I went and worshipped. I didn’t get to that special place, and that was okay. God took me as I was.

Do you try too hard to get to a certain place, feeling, or emotion in worship?

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All we know to do

Years ago, when I was still on tour with the African Children’s Choir, I got a little overwhelmed by the responsibility before me. Parent twenty-four children and help them become responsible adults. Make their voices sound good. Represent the organization and share about God everywhere you go.

It got to be a little much, and I wasn’t the only one overwhelmed.

We were staying at a church, all together as a group, camping out in the sanctuary in sleeping bags. I wandered into a small classroom where two other chaperones were, kneeling down by a couple chairs. I hesitated, not wanting to interrupt their holy moment, but they looked up, smiled, and invited me in without a word.

We kneeled in silence for awhile, lost in overwhelming thoughts. Then someone started praying. Wisdom. Guidance. Patience. Help. The other chaperone prayed. I prayed.

Then we ran out of words.

So someone started singing.

At first, I just listened with a lump in my throat. I tried to sing along and found that I could not. I put my head in my hands and let the melodies wash over me.

After a few minutes, my voice returned and I sang along, even bringing a few songs to our private little worship session.

We sang for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only ten to fifteen minutes. When we had no more melodies left, we sat in silence for a few more minutes. Then we rose to our feet, hugged each other, and walked out of that room strengthened.

Music is good when we run out of words to say, when we feel so empty we don’t know what to bring. Even a short, simple melody can do so much. I believe that during those twenty minutes of worship, God was glorified, and we were given the strength we needed to face that day.

Sometimes when we’re struggling, music gives words to our struggles. When we desperately need God, but don’t have the right words, those worship melodies can be all we know to do.