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The difference a year makes

Last Wednesday, October 4th, marked the one year anniversary of Rebooting Worship. I started this blog because I was frustrated. Tired of trying to connect with musical worship at church and constantly coming up dry. The more I complained to my husband about it, the more he said, “Sounds like you need to write about it.”

So I did. With my wonderful tech supporting hubby, Rebooting Worship was born. I had no idea what would come out of it, I just knew that I desperately needed to process. It has helped immensely.

Here are some things I’ve figured out on my journey:

It’s okay to not like worship music. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

If you don’t like worship music, stop blaming and judging the worship leader. It’s your issue, not his/hers.

 Worship goes through seasons. What was worshipful for you years ago may not be worshipful now.

I worship more through writing than I do through typical worship music.

Worship is not about me. (It’s sad how long it took to figure that one out.)

Warm fuzzies do not a successful worship set make.

Just because I struggle does not mean I love God any less. 

I am incredibly thankful to you, the reader. Thanks for hanging around and listening to me ramble. I’ve loved connecting with so many of you in the comments. I’ve learned that I’m not alone.

Here’s to the next year and whatever it may bring.

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Guest posting: My Quitter Story

Today I’m taking a break from worship and sharing a different story. I’m guest posting on Tammy Helfrich’s blog. I met Tammy at the second Quitter conference back in February, and reconnected with her a couple weeks ago at the third conference. Tammy is a wonderful friend and encourager, and I’m honored to be guest posting with her. Read the post here.

Quitter has had a huge influence on my life, encouraging me to quit living an average life and pursue some things I’m really passionate about. I’m thankful for a chance to share my story.

If you’re here from Tammy’s site, thanks for visiting. Here are some posts you might enjoy.

This is Why I Write

You Are

But I Don’t WANNA Be Thankful!

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Gratitude list time again

Time again for a monthly gratitude list! Here’s what I’m thankful for this month.
  1. The Quitter Conference. I attended my third conference last weekend and once again, it did not disappoint. I left more motivated, encouraged and with bigger dreams filling my head. Plus, I connected with several new friends that I’ve made online. It was like a reunion rather than meeting new friends for the first time. I even met another fellow Tallahassean there. (It’s the second time that’s happened!)
  2. This blog. Wednesday marks the one year anniversary of Rebooting Worship. I’m incredibly thankful for the space to process and the clarity it’s brought to my worship struggle.
  3. Lows in the 50s. This may not seem like much for people in the north, but for us Floridians, it’s wonderful. It’s the first sign of fall and a glorious reprieve from summer.
  4. Pumpkin Spice lattes. I haven’t had one yet this year, but tis the season. It is truly heaven in a cup.
  5. Breakfast and coffee with good friends. It’s wonderful to reconnect and have time to process through stuff with them.
  6. Quiet time in the morning to write, pull my thoughts together, and prepare for the day. For an introvert like me, it’s time much needed.
  7. Pandora radio. I’ve been putting some instrumental music on in the morning to write to, and it’s really helped. I think it wakes me up a bit too. I love being able to turn it on and get a variety of great music.
  8. The way my husband always takes care of me and keeps me safe. Whether it’s driving the entire 16 hour trip to Nashville and back even though he didn’t attend the conference, or working hard to keep our little family supported, he always takes great care of me.
  9. A washer and dryer. After coming home from a weekend trip, I had twice as much laundry to do. I grumbled as I started wading through it, then I remembered having to wash an entire suitcase full of clothes by hand in Kenya. I scrubbed and scrubbed and had a huge crick in my back from bending over so long, and they still smelled funny. I’m thankful that I can throw clothes into the washer, and then walk away and blog about thankfulness.
  10. My new deer family. I haven’t seen them in awhile, but I have more than one now.
Aren't they cute?

What are you thankful for this month?

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When someone worships “better” than you

You know what I do far too often in life? Compare myself to others. I was guilty of it while pursuing my music degree, feeling vocally insignificant compared to the operatic powerhouses that surrounded me. I’m guilty of it online, comparing how many likes one of my comments got to another commenter. I’m guilty of it in worship too.

As a worship leader, I’ll compare my leading to another leader. They’re smiling more. They raise their hands over their heads to encourage the congregation without dropping their guitar (sure, it’s on a strap, but that sucker’s gonna slide if I take my hand off the neck). They’re practically dancing behind their mike stand. My leading seems so simplistic compared with theirs.

I compare myself to other worshipers. The people in the front row are dancing and raising their hands and I’m just standing here. They’re worshiping better, or harder than me.

I’ve shared how I’m learning there is no right way to worship. I’ve shared how I’m done feeling guilty for not worshiping a certain way. Now, I’m done comparing myself to other worshipers.

Have you ever compared yourself in worship?

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A gift of song

When I was nearing the end of my time on tour with the African Children’s Choir, my twenty-five kids sat my fellow chaperones and me down. They told us to stay put and then scurried off, whispering things to each other and working in a frenzy. All the adults looked at each other, shrugged, and waited.

Within a few minutes, the kids had organized themselves into their choir rows and they launched into a song. The song was an original song that they had come up with, complete with three part harmony. It was a song thanking us for all that we had done for them while on tour. To say I was bursting with pride is an understatement. The music teacher in me was super impressed at their harmonies (that they worked out on their own), and the mom in me was so happy that they were thanking me for all that I had done; including those painful times of discipline. (I know all the parents out there can relate to this one.) I wasn’t the only one tearing up.

We didn’t prompt these kids to come up with this song. They did it all on their own. They decided they wanted to do something special for their aunties and uncles, and they did it. It wasn’t perfect, and as impressive as their harmonies were, I’m sure there were some mistakes. But I sure wasn’t listening for musical technicality that morning. I was simply basking in the love of the song that my kids had put together for me.

I have to think that’s how it is when we sing for God. As much as I get hung up on how worship is done, I believe that when it’s done from the depths of our heart, God is basking in the love of it. He knows that we are bringing this song to Him because we love Him.

He’s not upset because we’re singing a little flat.

He doesn’t care if we miss that guitar chord.

He doesn’t care if our performance is flawless or our voice perfect.

He doesn’t care if there are fog machines.

He simply marvels in the joy of a song brought just for Him.

If you have a similar story of a child or someone special creating something just for you, please share in the comments.

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What do I do when I don’t like a song?

I don’t like a lot of worship music. That’s okay. Music is not the only way to worship. I worship in other ways, so if I don’t connect with a worship song, I am not a bad person.

However, I don’t want to remain judgmental during musical worship times. Instead of completely shutting down when a song comes on that I don’t like, I’m looking for better ways to connect with musical worship.

Here’s some ideas I’ve found work for me:

  1. Watch the band. Often, I don’t like a song for the cheesy lyrics or sing-songy melody. So I stop singing (cause really I’m just going through the motions) and watch the band. One Sunday, the band did one of my least favorite songs. The music is actually pretty cool. My husband was playing that week, and the bass line in the song is CRA-ZY. He practiced it for weeks to get it right. So instead of getting swept up in “I hate this song!” I watched my talented husband tear it up on bass and realized that was his way to worship that morning.
  2. Close my eyes and focus on God. What a novel idea.
  3. Remember that I’m not going to like every song. The person next to me might love it. Let them have their song.
  4. Look for even the smallest thing in the song that I can connect with. It might be just one line of lyrics from a verse, a cool drum beat, or a neat chord progression.
  5. Thank God for the talented group of musicians that is up there. (Many of them are friends of mine.)
  6. Take deep breaths. This helps in a lot of situations.
  7. Remember it’s not all about me.

What are some ways you connect with worship songs that are hard to connect with?

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Disturbing worship

Years ago, when I first became a Christian, worship meant happy. I equated it with warm fuzzies and an emotional high tied to the music. If worship didn’t have those basic ingredients, something was wrong, and it obviously wasn’t worship.

It never occurred to me that worship might have the opposite effect.

My husband and I have been certified lay speakers in the Methodist Church. We sat through a weekend of classes that then qualified us to stand at the pulpit in our church and share a message. My husband preached more than I, and he is dang good at it. After one sermon, he expressed a frustration. Everyone came to him after, shook his hand with a warm smile and said, “That was a wonderful message.” And then they’d walk out happily into their Sunday afternoon, chattering about where to go to lunch that day.

My very wise husband said, “If I’m really doing my job right, then I should be making them uncomfortable.”

Sometimes worship disturbs me and sometimes it affirms me. I prefer affirming. The warm fuzzies emerge and all is well with the world. But if I want to progress in my faith, I need to be disturbed. Something needs to spur me onto something greater, rather than encouraging me to stay put and relish in the happy feelings and all the good in me.

I want to be a better Christian. I want to be able to love God more fully and offer grace to my neighbor. In order to do that, sometimes my boat needs to be rocked a bit. I need that slap in the face that all is not well with the world and I need to make some changes.

It’s not pretty, but it’s necessary if I want to become like Jesus.

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Singing worship songs in weird places

Ever had a song pop in your head at random times and in weird places?

About a month ago I had a tube put in my left ear in an effort to help with the pressure and problems I’ve had with my Eustachian Tube. (It didn’t help, but that’s a whole other story.) I was quite nervous leading up to it, even though it was a simple outpatient procedure. I’m not a fan of needles or scalpels or surgery of any kind, no matter how simple.

They put me in the chair and dropped some crazy drops in that numbed everything. I sat there with my head cocked to the side, half hearing the jokes my husband was telling to make me feel better. A couple minutes after that, the doctor came in, grabbed his instruments and talked me through each step of what he was doing, while I tried not to think too much about what he was doing.

He suctioned the numbing drops out, then grabbed the scalpel and went to work. Knowing there was a sharp object heading for my eardrum made me panic slightly, no matter how tiny it might have been. It literally only took five minutes to do the whole thing. There was no pain, just a weird sense of pressure when he made the incision. Still, I was nervous and ready to be done.

While I was lying cockeyed in that chair, staring at the fluorescent lighting and ceiling tiles, a line from a worship song popped in my head. Just one line, over and over in my head. Thinking back on it, I can’t recall what song it was, or what the line even said. I tried to recall it 20 minutes after the procedure and couldn’t remember. But in that moment of slight panic, I silently sang that line over and over. Perhaps it was a plea to God to get me out alive (I’m a bit melodramatic some days) or maybe it was God bringing me something to  calm my nerves. I don’t know why it popped in my head and stayed there while that scalpel was aimed at my eardrum, but it did.

Funny, isn’t it? I don’t really like worship songs, yet a worship song was the first thing that came to mind in a moment of stress. I could have had any song pop in my head, but that song (what was that song???) was the one that came to mind that day.

I’m thankful that it did.

I’m curious; what do you do (subconsciously or not) in a moment of stress? Prayer? A comforting line of Scripture? Or are you like me and sing some random song?