I shared last month how I was taking part in a movement called Writers Unite. We decided to spend a month working on the writing that really mattered to us. For me, that writing was a book about my life and worship. A memoir, really. After this month, I feel like it’s finally taking shape. There’s a lot of work left to be done but it felt good to slowly piece the thing together this month.

Today, I’d like to share a small snippet of what I’ve written.

Worship is not a big concert

Standing in the middle of a large crowd, I am eager to see the next band, though I am getting a bit tired. Bouncing around in the summer heat zapped much of my energy. I am beyond excited to be back at Creation, but it’s getting late, and it has been a long week.

I stifle a yawn and muster up all my energy for the final concert of the night. As the band takes the stage, bright lights bounce across the trees surrounding the stage and loud booming guitars rattle our eardrums.  People begin jumping as the energy from the stage courses through their veins. They become unaware of the people around them, and soon little me is being run into and almost shoved over, without any sort of apology. Strangers are screaming in my ears. I huddle close to my group of friends, but still get jostled here and there. Water comes from nowhere, and pegs us in the face. We let out a loud, “HEY!” but it falls silent amidst all the noise surrounding us.

This is a CHRISTIAN concert?

I walk away from the show a bit disappointed. While I enjoyed the music, the atmosphere was less than inviting. I can’t shake the feeling that the people I have just been around had not been very Christ-like. We are returning to our campsite when we walk past the crosses on the hill.

“Hey guys,” I motion to the crosses. “I’d like to go see them.”

A man had built 13 crosses in memory of the Columbine high school shootings. These crosses had traveled around the country to different Christian concerts and events. They were made of simple wood, and were built to remember each teacher and student that had been killed that day.

As we walk by each cross, I notice that no one is shoving by anyone else to get a better look. In fact, if someone is peering to see better, the person in front of them kindly steps out of the way to allow them more space. People are holding flashlights up so that others can read the messages in the pitch-black night.

Then the singing starts.

I don’t know how it starts. I don’t know who started it. It seems as if the crowd just begins in unison, all softly singing together.  As we walk and solemnly stand at the foot of each cross, we sing praise songs and hymns in unison. Tears are shed. Prayers are prayed.

We worship.

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It seems that there is an ongoing trend among churches to make worship bigger and better. Huge bands, lots of vocalists with in your face harmonies, dramatic lighting, and even fog machines adorn the stages of many churches.

I question how this enhances worship.

I cringe (and cough) when I see fog machines. I wonder how much money those big lights cost. Moving backgrounds behind the PowerPoint distract me rather than help me focus on the lyrics. Big, in your face vocals remind me of American Idol.

Is God really into this? Are fog machines and strobe lights really enhancing the worship? Or is it just enhancing our worship experience?

When did worship become a production? Why do we feel the need to be entertained during worship? Worship is not a rock concert. It’s so much bigger than that.

When I attended my second Creation experience in the mountains of Pennsylvania, I enjoyed the music of all the concerts. That one particular evening, we found ourselves just a few rows back from the stage. It was exciting to be that close, to see all the musicians and watch all the action. Then I started getting jostled and thrown about. People stepped on my feet.

The concert wasn’t meant to be a worship service. It was a group of Christian musicians that were there to entertain. I understand that. But it was still disconcerting to be around this supposed group of Christians in the crowd and be stepped on, pushed around and ignored. People got so caught up in the concert experience that they weren’t giving a second thought to the people around them. I walked away very discouraged.

When we climbed the hill to those crosses, it was a completely different crowd. Everyone was respectful and compassionate. It was such a better experience than the concert. And the singing that started was beautiful. It wasn’t planned, staged or produced. It was spontaneous and heart felt.

For years, I’ve let myself get caught up in the worship “experience,” and the bigger and better it was, the more worshipful it felt. Now I’m ashamed of that way of thinking. I realize how wrong it is.

My husband and I have very different tastes in music. I’m an acoustic guitar, folk-y kind of gal, while he loves blaring electric guitar solos and hard rock.

Somehow, despite our musical differences, we make it work. We take time to listen to the other’s music. He’s given me a new perspective on music I would never have considered. We attended a Demon Hunter concert on our honeymoon (I got brownie points from his friends over that one), and he’s gone to more than his fair share of acoustic concerts that he was probably struggling to stay awake for. It’s all about compromise.

There are certain bands and albums that we both agree on. We also have this unspoken agreement that he doesn’t inundate me with too much screamo, and I don’t play so much banjo music that he runs screaming.

Everyone does not has the same music preference. Not everyone loves pop. Or country. Or contemporary Christian music. Yet we present one kind of music each week in our worship services and expect everyone in the congregation to connect.

It would be impossible to please everyone in one worship service. There are just too many musical tastes out there. It would be a bit weird to start with a quiet acoustic song and then launch into death metal. At some point we have to pick something and go with it.

But let’s not be surprised if people aren’t getting into the music. Don’t force them to worship to something that doesn’t feel natural to them. My husband feels worshipful when he hears an electric guitar solo while I connect better with acoustic guitar and a djembe.

I have no idea how to make corporate musical worship work better for the masses. But if I’m honest, I’m not real excited by the way it’s done now.

Any suggestions?

Years ago, after finishing my time on tour with the African Children’s Choir, a fellow chaperone and I went to see a pastor/counselor. She specialized in helping missionaries who were returning from the field. My friend and I were having trouble transitioning back into “real life” and really needed someone to listen.

She did listen, and she offered much advice to our tender souls. A lot of what she spoke that day is a blur, but I distinctly remember four words.

Don’t do. Just be.

She was speaking specifically about our quiet time. We shared how it felt we were just going through the motions by reading our Bible and praying. Nothing we did really seemed to work. Nothing clicked.

So she told us to stop doing. Like a little child that just wants to sit in Daddy’s lap, we just needed to relish in God’s presence. Stop trying to pray the prayer that makes us “connect.” Stop searching for the Bible verse that will make it all better. Just sit. Be.

I have a hard time with that. I’ve shared before how I have a hard time sitting still and being quiet. But the times when I really do stop doing and just be, it’s amazing the difference it makes.

I’m trying to implement that back into my quiet time again, because I’ve been trying to “do” stuff again. I’m searching again for the magic Bible verses. I get upset when I’m not “feeling” worshipful.

It’s a constant struggle, but I will strive to just be.

Question: Do you struggle with trying to be?

Before I ever started this blog, I had been “writing” a book about my worship journey. I use the term “writing” loosely. What I was writing wasn’t able to be formed into cohesive chapters, it was mainly “verbal vomit” (Sorry for the visual there). It was my way of processing and working through a multitude of emotions and experiences that I just couldn’t quite fit into place.

In the last year, I started working on pulling these pieces together and making it into some kind of cohesive book. I’ve been making progress, but get stalled out here and there.

For the month of October, I decided to participate in a group called Writers Unite. It’s basically an accountability group for writers. I’ve pledged to do the writing that I really want to do, and not get bogged down in blog stats and building a platform. I’m writing because it’s what I love to do, because it’s the thing that keeps me sane. The accountability of the group reminds me I’m not alone.

The writing that I really want to do, the writing I’ve pledged to work on this month is that book that’s been trying to take shape. I’m hoping to get a first draft done by the end of the month. I’ve made lots of progress over the last year, more than I realized. I have no idea if the book I “finish” this month will be the book that will eventually become a published ebook (that’s the goal). I may finish it, share the work with others and realize I need to go a completely different direction. If it is, I’m okay with that. It’s all  part of the process.

I hope to share a snippet of what I’m working on at the end of the month. If any of you writers are in need of some accountability, I recommend checking out Writers Unite.