Church people

I’m taking a blogging break in the month of December. During my break, I’m reposting some old blogs. This one originally appeared in March of 2012.

Church would be a wonderful place if it weren’t for all the people.

I’m coming to grips with the fact that I have resentments toward church people. I thought I had processed through some of it, but I’m learning that it comes back and bites me in the butt when I least expect it.

Like many others, I’ve been burned by people in the church. Church committees that make stupid decisions I can’t get behind; friends that have been used and abused for their talents; a vicious rumor that someone decided to start about me and someone else.

Each little hurtful thing that church people do builds up. That wall of resentment I have inside was built up brick by brick, resentment by resentment. Now it’s really hard for me to trust people. I don’t know who is safe to trust. I don’t who I should let in.

I know it’s wise to not let everyone in. People have to earn your trust. I carry it to the extreme, and shut out everyone. I retreat into myself, which turns into a scary place of bitterness and cynicism. Once I’m trapped inside, I don’t know how to get out.

I know it’s unreasonable and impossible to have church without the people. It’s part of the package. The church is the people. As much as I don’t want to deal with the shiny happy Christian or the overbearing Christian or the Christian that I just don’t get, it’s all part of it. It’s part of this messy journey called faith.

I have heard it said that hurt people hurt people. I so often forget that every Christian that crosses my path is broken in some way. They’ve been broken hearted, abused, neglected, beat down, and hurt. We don’t always figure out healthy ways to process all that gunk and sometimes (unintentionally), we take that out on those around us. I’ve been guilty of it too.

Grace is such a needed trait in all of us. We need the grace to forgive those around us. We (I) can’t expect to never get hurt if we (I) want to fully engulf ourselves in this community. I struggle with showing grace to those around me sometimes because I focus so much on the injustice done to me.

It’s time to let that go. I’m still not entirely sure how, but as always, I’m learning as I go.