If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you’ve learned two things:
- I’m a huge Derek Webb fan.
- I have some huge resentments against the church.
I like Derek Webb for several reasons. The simple reason is that I like his music. Beyond that, I respect him for his willingness to speak things that aren’t popular, especially in the church. He’s spoken up about politics, called out Christians who hate on homosexuals, and talked about how stupid a concept “Christian” music is. I’m usually cheering him on for his bravery, and wishing I could be so bold.
He also calls himself out. Many of his songs speak of his personal struggles, and he’s stated that he often writes songs for no one else but himself. His latest album, I Was Wrong, I’m Sorry, and I Love You, speaks of his struggle with his hard heart and cynicism. I relate to that.
This new album is a follow up to his first solo album, She Must and Shall Go Free, one of my favorite albums ever. That album focused on the relationship of Jesus and the church, and this new album dives in even deeper.
When I listened to it for the first time, I sat down with the lyrics so I could fully digest it. I forgot how deep Derek’s lyrics run, so fully digesting it didn’t happen after the first listen. I have to dig deep and really think. Layers reveal themselves the more I listen. I love albums like that.
I’m still figuring out most of the songs. Some are absolutely perplexing me. Others speak straight to my hurt, and very stubborn, heart.
I’m slowly coming to grips with my resentments against church, all while closing up my heart to the community that is the Church. I know I need that community, but it’s just so much easier to walk away and ignore the hurt.
This album is helping me release the grip on those resentments.
When I listened to Everything Will Change, I cried.
you place your vote
misplace your hope on men
who let you down
with loaded words and broken promises
it’s hard to trust in anyone
it’s easier to just fold up your arms
I cried because I’ve been in this place for far too long. Because I’m tired of being here.
But I know I’m not alone, and can move forward with hope. I’m thankful for albums like this, that speak deep truth with brutal honesty, passion, and love. I’ll continue to listen and challenge my brain and my heart.
I’m glad I can still find music that touches my soul. Music that convicts and comforts, confounds and clarifies. And although I have a long way to go in completely letting go of my resentments, I still hold onto the power of the cross.
and, though my heart is dark i am still compelled
to where your body broke,
to where your blood was spilled
– A Place at Your Table
You can pre-order I Was Wrong, I’m Sorry, and I Love You now. The album comes out in September, and each week leading up to the release, Derek will be releasing an acoustic video of a song off the album.