This post originally appeared in November 2012. I need to constantly remind myself to worship, even in the hard times, even when I don’t feel like it.
It’s been a rough year for me. Through it all, I’ve fluctuated between firmly believing God is in control to pity parties because I’m so flipping miserable.
My health has been the issue that tends to throw me into a downward spiral. I’ve shared briefly in the past about an issue I’ve been having with my left ear; a constant feeling of pressure that will not go away. In the last year, I’ve had blood tests, x-rays, CT scans, allergy tests, steroid prescriptions and a minor surgical procedure done. I’ve spent more money on doctor visits than I ever have before.
After all that, I was finally (properly) diagnosed. The problem was given a name: Pulsatile Tinnitus. (I’ll let you google that if you’re really curious.)
Even though it was a relief to finally know what was going on, I was crushed to hear that there was nothing that could be done for it. Luckily, it’s not life threatening or painful. It’s just really annoying to live with.
I’m left wondering, “Why, God? Why? You’re the great healer, so why not fix this?”
And maybe He will. I have faith that He could. But He’s not fixing it right now. For whatever reason, I’ve been plagued with this weird ailment that sometimes makes me dizzy and exhausted.
I’ve thrown my pity parties. I’ve been angry at God. I’m annoyed that He gave me this thorn in my side.
But what good does that do?
I know that God does not always give us wonderful days and easy times. I’ve known that from the start of this whole Christian journey. So why should I be surprised when things don’t go my way?
When it all comes down to it, He is always faithful and still deserves my worship. If I only worship Him when things are going well, that makes me a pretty shallow person.
So I’ll continue to thank Him for all the good in my life (because there is plenty) and tell Him how awesome He is. Even if it’s just a little prayer eked out here and there because that’s all I have energy for. My worship right now won’t be big and energetic, but that’s okay. It’s coming from where I’m at; low energy and tired, but still trying.
He is still worthy, no matter how bad things get.
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Question: How have you worshiped through the hard times in your life?