Because I blog about worship, I think about worship. A lot. Sometimes I get really tired of thinking about it.
I left church this Sunday with the all too familiar frustrations that I’ve grown accustomed to. I’m not connecting, I’m tired of church people, is God really in all this… all that stuff that I’m trying so desperately to work through. Some days I think I’m doing better with it all, other days it all comes back and bites me in the butt.
I left feeling overwhelmed, with thoughts and frustrations churning through my head. Before I knew it, I felt a good cry coming on. (I’m a woman. I do that from time to time.) I ended up bailing on the lunch plans I had and went home to get the good cry out. Cause when you have a good cry come on, there’s just no stopping it.
After sniffling and sobbing for a bit, I pulled myself together and drove out to one of my favorite parks. I took a long walk through the fall-ish air, enjoying the relative cool and just taking deep breaths.
A long walk alone was what I needed.
Because this is more worshipful to me than any service. No stage lights, no noise, no expectation to worship a certain way. Just me and God. This allows me to clear my head and get lost in my thoughts.
I’m so tired of thinking about worship. I keep trying to shift the pieces into place in my head and make them fit. This struggle is far from over and I do need to keep trying. I don’t want to give up on church and worship. I know they’re important.
But sometimes I need to stop trying so hard and simply worship in ways that feel really real to me.
Question: Have you ever tried too hard to make something make sense?
I wonder if a reason for church is for us to come together and acknowledge we are in this together; that we recognize that there is an end game we are all working toward. Sometimes this does not feel very good but I think it helps just knowing that we are not alone and that others have the same struggles but we stand together no matter our feelings and say I am all in regardless.
What a great point.
Maybe I’m being too simplistic here, but how I have battled some of these same thoughts is to realize that rather than thinking about worship I just need to do it. I need the corporate and I need the solo. So I try to worship while working or running or mowing…without putting a lot of thought into it.
It should be that simple and that’s exactly what I need to do. I’m trying to, but sometimes it’s harder than it needs to be.
Church frustrations – an all too common occurrence. Confession: I love my pastor, I really do – great person, loves God, great example for the people. But on the pulpit he just misses it – sermons are like a beginners self help book with a few bible verses loosely attached. And the worst part is there are hundreds of people in the congregation okay with. I just want to stand up and yell sometimes – GOd is so much bigger than this, so much greater, but your missing it and you dont even know!
So I know you have a complicated relationship with worship and don’t want to think about it sometimes. That’s how I feel about teaching the Bible. But when the heart is involved, its hard to ignore.
I so agree with that. Sometimes I just want to give up on it all, but I feel like the passion goes too deep to ignore.