Church people

Church would be a wonderful place if it weren’t for all the people.

I’m coming to grips with the fact that I have resentments toward church people. I thought I had processed through some of it, but I’m learning that it comes back and bites me in the butt when I least expect it.

Like many others, I’ve been burned by people in the church. Church committees that make stupid decisions I can’t get behind; friends that have been used and abused for their talents; a vicious rumor that someone (I don’t know who and it’s probably a good thing) decided to start about me and someone else.

Each little hurtful thing that church people do builds up. That wall of resentment I have inside was built up brick by brick, resentment by resentment. Now it’s really hard for me to trust people. I don’t know who is safe to trust. I don’t who I should let in.

I know it’s wise to not let everyone in. People have to earn your trust. I carry it to the extreme, and shut out everyone. I retreat into myself, which turns into a scary place of bitterness and cynicism. Once I’m trapped inside, I don’t know how to get out.

I know it’s unreasonable and impossible to have church without the people. It’s part of the package. The church is the people. As much as I don’t want to deal with the shiny happy Christian or the overbearing Christian or the Christian that I just don’t get, it’s all part of it. It’s part of this messy journey called faith.

I have heard it said that hurt people hurt people. I so often forget that every Christian that crosses my path is broken in some way. They’ve been broken hearted, abused, neglected, beat down, and hurt. We don’t always figure out healthy ways to process all that gunk and sometimes (unintentionally), we take that out on those around us. I’ve been guilty of it too.

Grace is such a needed trait in all of us. We need the grace to forgive those around us. We (I) can’t expect to never get hurt if we (I) want to fully engulf ourselves in this community. I struggle with showing grace to those around me sometimes because I focus so much on the injustice done to me.

It’s time to let that go. I’m still not entirely sure how, but as always, I’m learning as I go.

4 Replies to “Church people”

  1. Healthy people don’t go to the hospital, sick people do. But unfortunately, just like real hospitals, you can go to the hospital for one thing and catch someone else’s sickness.

  2. Jamie,
    Realized I’m not alone…I share simular thoughts and experiences with the church. Currently am trying once again to attend on a regular basis, with a bit of CR experience now (familiar with the step studies, etc.) and maybe, just maybe, with the help of your comments, and especially that
    last bit, I too can extend grace, remembering that every Christian that crosses my path is broken in some way. I built up a wall of resentment too, brick by brick, over the years. As you put it so well, I can’t expect to never get hurt…In the past, I stuffed the hurt. I am getting better with grace; it is indeed a learning process.

    1. I love CR. That program has helped me work through some of my resentments and also offered me a safe place for worship.

      Thanks for your comment.

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