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The Author

The Author

I am a recovering worship leader.

Hanging on my wall is a church music degree. Along the way I picked up a religion minor. I have spent years singing in church choirs, on praise teams, and as a worship leader. I devoted three years to the African Children’s Choir as their music supervisor and had the chance to work with Christian musicians like the Gaithers, Jars of Clay, and Steven Curtis Chapman. There was a time in my life when all I listened to was contemporary Christian music. I could identify any song on K-Love within hearing the first ten measures. I was obsessed with Christianity and it’s music following. I loved to worship Jesus through song.

Now there is a dull void. There is no excitement or energy. Somewhere along the way a disconnect happened. I don’t know exactly how or why or when it happened, but that is why I write.  I write to share the pain, the struggle, the humility and sometimes the joy of my worship journey. Hopefully along the way I’ll discover the source of the disconnect and maybe some healing as well.

Thanks for joining me on my journey.

Jamie Kocur

  • Prayers that you may find the “Connection.” True, we sometimes endure a wilderness experience, but our Lord has not forsaken us!

    • Thank you for the prayers and encouragement.

  • Anonymous

    Stumbled on this page. Inspired for more of your story.

  • Curly Mommy

    Thanks for sharing, Jamie. I’ll be in prayer that God gives you the answers you seek. Much love!

  • You need some good rock-n-roll worship! Calvary Oceanside has some good worship (is streamed on Saturday night & Sunday) or Calvary North Coast in Carlsbad (I would suggest Sunday evening service as we can worship for a good hour or so after service).

    Stick with it, stay in the word and don’t stop worshiping, you may be called to just be an encouragement to others at this time.

    • Weeeell, it seems that the rock-n-roll worship is what I’m having issues with. It seems I “prefer” more low-key worship these days. I will try to check out your suggestions though. 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement.

      • Totally depends on your mood; at times I love the slower worship where I need to connect with Christ, at other times I need to worship in Celebration!

  • Lori Vance

    Hi Jamie! I recently discovered your blog and I can empathize with what you’re feeling in regards to worship. After about 8 years of singing in a church choir/worship team, I decided to step down. I was worn out and needed to rediscover my love for worship again. It is definitely coming back as I have started to worship the Lord through writing and singing my own songs to Him. It’s a journey, but it’s a worthwhile one. I pray you find the answers and healing you are looking for!!

    • Lori, thanks for your encouragement. I am slowly discovering grace and healing as I go. It’s been greatly encouraging to meet others who are on or have been on a similar journey.

  • Ferris E

    Hi. I think that real connection is not found in excitement and fanfare, but rather within that seemingly dull void. It’s focusing on the the plain and the ordinary and then finally discerning that quiet, unwavering, and ever-present voice within it. I Kings 19:11-13 alludes to this idea in a beautiful way.

    • That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I love that Scripture from I Kings.

  • Tom

    Me too.

  • NathanS

    Hi Dear,

    (No. You don’t know me but you are clearly dear!)

    I learned that whenever I am in judgement of others, I get their problems, too! I read on another post your confession of judgement and now on this post of a problem that I, too, have had. I’m remembering that at one time I was judgmental of others as not being worshipful, sincere, or whatever so responding to this post reminds me of what I must do to overcome my own deficiency in this area: I must learn to respect others (AND myself) as human beings with potential, deliberately in spite of our big flaw, understanding that as I judge any of ourselves, I have a promise from Jesus that he will judge me similarly.

    I find that promise threatening and encouraging – motivating me to a gentler, more loving attitude toward both others and myself. After that, typically I overcome challenges of recent onset.

    Here’s hoping this helps someone. Looks like it may already be helping me. (Thinking this through one more time for sharing helps me renew my thoughts on applying this for long term weaknesses, too.)

    • Nathan, thanks so much for visiting and commenting. And thank you for bringing up such an important point that my selfish self forgets all too often. I love your thought of respecting others, and yourself, as human beings with potential. Beautiful picture.

  • Thanks for sharing your story. I’m rooting for you to find your passion again, even if its not in music this time. As long as we have breath Jesus is doing something with us.

  • Brian

    One of my favorite Benedictions, “You go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you. Wherever you are, God has put you there. God has a purpose in your being there. Christ who indwells you has something He wants to do through you, where you are. Believe this and go in His Spirit’s grace and love and power.”

    • Brian, I just saw your comment. Thanks so much for the sweet benediction.

  • Hey Jamie – I think I stumbled on your blog through Google. Love your premise and would be interested in hearing your more of your story. I found the post where you were leading worship for Celebrate Recovery. Maybe add a “categories” or archives section?

    I think your experience is important and might be helpful for others as you process and share your journey. I’ve seen a lot of burn-out in “ministry” and I think it needs to be discussed honestly. God bless you, you’re in my prayers. Rob Still

    • Rob, thanks so much for reading. I do have categories, but I need to be better about tagging the posts properly. Also, I don’t think there’s a real easy way to find categories on the site. I’ll see if I can fix that.

      I’m currently working on a book that contains my whole story. Hopefully it will be done by the end of the year, so stay tuned.

      Thanks so much for the prayers. I greatly appreciate it.

  • Jamie, I love the premise of your blog. I think contemporary worship might be covering a deeper spiritual truth in many of us. It makes us feel good. But it’s temporary. There’s something more. I understand. I am a songwriter who has all but lost the passion to write songs. I have since turned to writing poetry and novels and I blog about writing as a form of therapy.

    • Dan, thanks for visiting and commenting. I hope and pray that your passion for songwriting returns, but I think it’s awesome that you’re finding other outlets. Writing is such great therapy.

  • Becky Villareal

    May the Lord guide and keep you as you find your way through this time. Thank you for being so candid with your thoughts and feelings.

    • Becky, thank you again for reading and commenting.

      • Becky Villareal

        Take care!